Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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