So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
