Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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