I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
