Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
