Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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