no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
