Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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