I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Non-Jews are for practice
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
