My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
