maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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