the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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