Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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