My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
