Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
