I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
