the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
