Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
