38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
