In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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