Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
