But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
