Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
