yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
