whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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