I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
