God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
