I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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