highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
