Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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