PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
