thus making me awesome and them whores
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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