When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
