you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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