he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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