she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
