I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
