Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
