He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
