All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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