Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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