so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
