So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
