she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
