Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
