I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This is my gift to your gina
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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