yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
