So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
