This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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