that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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