and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The ass gains better be worth it
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