I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
